I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
