if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
