how can u be prego again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
