I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
