Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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