So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
