So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
