office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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