She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
