omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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