no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
