is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
