My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
