I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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