a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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