We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
