The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
