is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have fence marks all over my body
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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