thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize