i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
