My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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