Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
