this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
