dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
