Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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