I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
