went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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