i don't like sucking hair
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
