When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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