I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
