Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
now i know why i became what i already was.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
