Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize