I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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