dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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