can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
