He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
