..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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