how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
