'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
