when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
