Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
