Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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