clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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