Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
