For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
