i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
