Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
