You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
