My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's like iHOP with fire
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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