rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
