my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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