my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
