Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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