things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
