Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
