69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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