I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
