We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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