He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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