I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
