So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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