so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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