why didn't you poke me back
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
