I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
