Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
