I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
