Define "chronic" masturbator.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
