there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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