So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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