Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize