how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
