So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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